I’m a Mom: Why do I feel like I’m drowning?

Often, when I’m doing organizing with moms, I hear some version of, “I feel so overwhelmed” or “I always feel like I’m drowning.” As a mom, you have a plethora of responsibilities on your plate. If you’re a working mom, you have even more. Even moms with helpful spouses or paid help seem to be drowning. Although each mom is unique, there are some recurring patterns I see in homes. Let’s take a look at the top 5 and see if any resonate with you.

General contractor

You’re likely the general contractor for running your home. What does that mean? It means the ultimate responsibility for managing the home falls on you—whether you have paid or unpaid help. Someone has to choose the right service providers, schedule services, set expectations, be there for appointments, handle payments, and follow up. That’s a significant time commitment! When you were managing just yourself, these tasks were manageable. But now, with multiple people, schedules, meals, laundry, activities, and a home to manage, it can feel overwhelming. Perhaps you’ve underestimated the time and responsibility of being the general contractor. Additionally, jumping between roles—mom, worker, general contractor—can leave anyone feeling frazzled.

Lack of policies and procedures

If you were running a small business, you’d have policies and procedures to guide others. Without them, you’re likely interrupted constantly with questions from others in the home. “Where are my socks? How do I do the laundry? What time does practice start?” Without settled routines and agreed upon practices, family members may not know what is expected, how to do things, or where things belong. Talking with your family members and setting up some agreed upon routines, policies, and procedures will help at home just as much as they help at the office.

Guilt or conflict

You might feel guilty asking your spouse or kids to help around the house, or fear it could lead to conflict that you don’t have the bandwidth to manage. Sharing responsibilities is important for healthy relationship, as noted in Time magazine, “Dividing up tasks is good for factories. Sharing tasks is better for families.”  A recent Harvard study even found that kids who do chores as part of a team effort are happier as adults.

Increased influx of belongings

The average U.S. person now consumes twice as much as they did 50 years ago, according to the documentary, The Story of Stuff. Homes have doubled in size in the last 40 years. More stuff means more cleaning, managing, and organizing. Owning more doesn’t necessarily make life easier.

Neglecting your own needs

Many moms are guilty of this. Isn’t it what moms do—take care of others and neglect themselves? But neglecting your own needs can lead to anxiety, depression, resentment, and burnout, as noted in the Calmerry blog. An Ohio State study found that maternal happiness positively affects children’s cognitive abilities and mental health. Therapist Katie Venroy warns that excessive self-sacrifice can make others overly dependent on you.

While there are many reasons moms feel overwhelmed, there’s hope. Getting organized can equip you with the tools to run your home efficiently, collaborate with family members, and make time for yourself.

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